Wednesday 27 May 2020 12:03:18 PHT

Bared... Finding Mr Right... and 'Till death do us part

Tagbilaran, Sunday, 14 February 2010

Lucky in studies/career, unlucky in love.

That sums up the fate of 22-year-old Masscom student at Holy Name University and part-time model Bienna Ursula Bautista.

In love, Bienna scored a big zero. Even if she has gone through a lot since her break-up with her man, Bienna finds it easy to smile these days; she's busy with school and a few modeling stints. She is an in-house model for fashion icon EJ Relampagos.

Bienna Ursula Bautista: Looking for Mr. Right.

With a heavy heart, she promised not to plunge into a new serious involvement again, not so soon anyway. "There are suitors but I don't want to mention names since I'm not quite ready for a solid relationship. I still wish to know the person deeply," said Bienna during a chat with Bared yesterday where she was busy preparing for her next subject.

Bienna confessed that her family and friends give her strength. "But it's okay as long as there are good friends and family," she added.

She is waiting for the right man. And the signs? "The right guy will offer me his coat when I am cold. He will offer me his hanky when I get the sniffle. And hopefully, he will write me a letter and compose a song entitled Magnetic Fire," she said, almost screaming (as in kilig), very joyfully!

"But, of course," said Bienna, "Come what may. God will guide me find the right person."

Since, she has no date this Valentine's Day, oh so sad, she will just stay at home and spend the time with her family. Bared asked Bienna where her man would bring her in case there's a guy out there. Bohol Bee Farm is a romantic place, said Bienna, and the Peacock Garden sets a romantic mood because of the high infinity pool.

Bienna is also looking forward for some projects and her graduation in October this year. "I still don't know what my biggest project this year. There are filmmakers coming here in Bohol so I look forward to working with them especially this summer," she said with high hope.

Celebrating Valentine's Day has a long history. Old traditions are mixed with contemporary culture, to make February 14 the most popular day of celebration for lovers around the world.

The origins of Valentine's Day begin with an Ancient Roman love festival, called Lupercalia, held every February. This pagan celebration was well known for its sexual frolics. History has it that as Christianity began to slowly and systematically dismantle the pagan pantheons, it frequently replaced the festivals of the pagan gods with more ecumenical celebrations. The Church chose Valentine as the patron saint of lovers, who would be honored at the new festival on the fourteenth of every February to replace erotic pagan customs with some more acceptable religious ones. Although St. Valentine is the center of the celebration, however, we can't deny that God's love is the greatest love of all.

Today we celebrate Valentine's Day not because it's a tradition but it make us feel romantic, and allows us to declare our true feelings of love.

A friend got the following very "special" love story titled "I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart" the author of which she said she didn't know. I find the story very touching and I'm sure people out there who shared the same story or not will be touched by it, too, including my married friends who just fixed their broken hearts. I am sharing this story to all Bared readers.

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know   what I was thinking.  "I want a divorce!" I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly,   "Why"? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me   you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to a lovely girl called Dew.

I didn't love her anymore... I just pitied her! With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated  that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.   She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for  her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I  had said for I loved Dew so dearly.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected  to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of  divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and  clearer now. The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something  at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.  

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again. In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. This was agreeable to me.. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.  She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd  request. I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to  face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in  my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest.. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday work-out made me stronger.  

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.  Suddenly it hit me, .. she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her  heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.  

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out.  To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an  essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer  and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I  might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms,  walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her  hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly,  it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me  sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a  step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked  upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not  want the divorce anymore. She looked at me, astonished. Then touched my forehead. Do you have a  fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I  won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I  didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each  other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on  our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed  the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.  

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank, blah..blah.. blah. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage! If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you, but if you do, you just might save a marriage.


Leo P. Udtohan

What readers think...

aNiNZ Abucejo wrote:
Tuesday, 16 February 2010 22:02:42 PHT
A big "WOW" to the shared story of "Till death do us part"!!! Sometimes we forget that in life, the best things are free. We tend to overlook on the most important things that we already have. *Sighing* Bienna.. just chill girl! True love waits and so does Mr. Right. I know he's just somewhere around you. FYI we're both in the same quest. Great site by the way. I was just actually surfing the net for the tourist spots in Bohol, because my family and some relatives are planning to go there next month. I actually have relatives in Garcia, Bohol. It's been like, almost 13 years since my last and first visit there. So I'm really looking forward to go and explore Bohol this March!!! God is good; He will allow it to happen!

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